Scene: Bench, West Village, NYC
Photo taken today on my way to work.
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- Francesco Marciuliano
- New York, NY, United Arab Emirates
- Pens the comic strips Sally Forth and Medium Large. Writes for The Onion News Network. Serves as head writer for the PBS series SeeMore's Playhouse (for which his script won two regional Emmys). Was afraid of the color yellow until about age nine. Tans a little too well to be trusted by security.
Comics Kingdom
Blog Mission Statement
A simple grilled cheese sandwich. Something that can be procured anywhere at any time. Nothing too exciting, right?
But what if I put a little butter on the bread before I grilled that sandwich? That would add a little extra zing, right? And what if instead of using plain old American cheese I opted for something a tad more exotic, like Camembert, Stilton or Roquefort? Now we're talking, right?
And what if instead of using bread for my grilled cheese sandwich I used two large blocks of pure platinum? And what if instead of eating the platinum I sold it and then used that small fortune as venture capital for a Beijing-based conglomerate that could take advantage of Chinese local business incentives, cheap labor, lax environmental laws and surging global interest in the fastest-growing economy in the world, thereby ensuring returns in the billions of dollars even in the face of a collapsing U.S. dollar and a massive industrial shift from the technical to service business sector? Wouldn't that be nice?
That's exactly what Francesco Explains It All is. In an endless buffet of indistinguishable tastes, it's the grilled platinum Stilton cheese sandwich that could forever destabilize geoeconomics. Care for a bite?
But what if I put a little butter on the bread before I grilled that sandwich? That would add a little extra zing, right? And what if instead of using plain old American cheese I opted for something a tad more exotic, like Camembert, Stilton or Roquefort? Now we're talking, right?
And what if instead of using bread for my grilled cheese sandwich I used two large blocks of pure platinum? And what if instead of eating the platinum I sold it and then used that small fortune as venture capital for a Beijing-based conglomerate that could take advantage of Chinese local business incentives, cheap labor, lax environmental laws and surging global interest in the fastest-growing economy in the world, thereby ensuring returns in the billions of dollars even in the face of a collapsing U.S. dollar and a massive industrial shift from the technical to service business sector? Wouldn't that be nice?
That's exactly what Francesco Explains It All is. In an endless buffet of indistinguishable tastes, it's the grilled platinum Stilton cheese sandwich that could forever destabilize geoeconomics. Care for a bite?
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6 comments:
That's just my dad sleeping it off on a bench, as usual.
part one:
"Hurry up Phoebe! Honestly ,you are the slowest thing!". She tugged impatiently on the 4 year olds hand, propelling her along at a brisk pace. Too brisk for a 4 year olds little legs. Especially Phoebes legs. Her "specially picked out for today monkey socks" were NOT living up to their promised "never slip grip" as advertised on the plastic packaging her mother saw in the sock dept. of target.
But never mind that. It was not a concern of her harried mother.
Frappe-a-what-not in one hand, cell phone smashed to one ear with her shoulder, the other hand gripping her Hermes bag,a shopping bag from Schrafts and Phoebes now wilting,throbbing one from her too tight-don't get lost grip,Phoebes mother turned a corner and ran smack into another harried adult on his way to "whatever it was meeting that could not wait another minute" ,as Phoebe thought all rushing adults were on their way to SOME sort of meeting or another. Her father always was,so,this one too.
"Fu..." her mother started to murmur,but caught herself just in time. Glancing down at Phoebe to see if she heard, Mother changed it to "FUDGE!"
Phoebe giggled and hugged her favorite stuffed animal closer to her chest. Mr. Bun-bun. He went EVERYWHERE and knew EVERYTHING that a little girl of 4 did not. He knew which fork was for salads, he knew you HAD to say thank you to Mrs. Levitz in 4-C when she gave you a piece of hard candy from her Worlds Fair candy dish when you visited,even if it was 40 years old and might break a molar. He also knew that most adults were sad creatures and Phoebe would always be there to protect him from the evils that laid deep in their hearts.
part two:
Mother propelled Phoebe to the nearest park bench across the street, plopped her down,dropped all her bags,coffe cup and told her shoulder,"I'll have to call you back Madge, some schmuck just ran into me and I spilled my coffee all over my blouse."
Hanging up Mother said to Phoebe, "Stay right here I need some water",and trotted across the path to the ancient water fountain to wet a tissue.
Phoebe stared at Mr. Bun Bun,waiting for some words of wisdom to get her through this, now apparent to Phoebe, "Errand Day".
He stared back at her. Nothing came forth. She adjusted his little bow,bent his legs back and forth a few times to help him avoid scurvy.
She wasn't sure WHAT scurvy was,but Phoebe saw a movie once where lots of men on a ship were getting sick with scurvy.So to be on the safe side, she exercised Mr. Bun bun.
You never knew when they might take a long ocean journey."Better safe than sorry" Phoebe admonished Mr. Bun bun. Looking up she saw her mother blotting away at her "cost more than the rent" blouse,a scowl on her face. Phoebe knew the day would be going donwhill from here. NO stopping at the cupcake shop for an afternoon treat. NO visit to the fancy make up counter at Bloomies where if she was extra good her Mother would let her spritz fancy lady perfume on herself.
NO , it was NOT going to be a good day. All morning Mother and Father were arguing over whatever it was for this week. Then on the phone with her girlfriends while they raced around town running last minute errands before Mother and Father went out of town on a 'grown -up "vacation. Meaning Phoebe would be staying with her grandmother for a week. Not a bad prospect, but on the whole ,she'd rather be going with them. But that was no concern of hers now.
Now she had to deal with an agitated Mother. "PHoebe, hand me another tissue will you?",her mother asked as she walked back to the bench, blotting away. Phoebe dug into her mothers bag,usually a fun adventure, but now one more of, "hurry up before she get's MORE pissed". Digging one out, not even bothering to ask if she could have the last cherry lifesaver candy she saw floating in the bottom. She knew the answer already.
Don't bother an angry Mother. Phoebe KNEW that rule very well by the age of 2 1/2.
part three:
"Well damn, it's ruined now!" Mother signed,gathering up her things from the bench."Phoebe get up ! Get the shopping bag will you, COME ON WE ARE LATE!"
Phoebe hastily grabbed the bag, handed Mother her purse and before she could breath,Mother grabbed her hand and they were off again.
Racing down the street ,back to the apt. where Mother said to Phoebe," I will barely make the train now, you better step lively, C'Mon"..and tugged even harder on poor Phoebes hand.
It was when they were two blocks away that Phoebe started feeling like something wasn't quite right. was it a sneeze coming on, anticipation of a spanking for who knows what? was she hungry. What was missing? With a WAIL Phoebe stopped short, pulling on Mothers hand ,backwards enough that she almost lost a shoe. "WHAT the... PHOEBE! What is it..we're late, come on young lady!"
Tugging on Phoebes hand, Mother tried pulling her along again. Phoebe resisted and let out an even LOUDER wail..'NOOOO! NOO! I lost him! we have to go back!!! " Pulling now desperately, on Mothers hand Phoebe sputtered out >'Mr. Bun bun! I lost him! we have to go find him!!"
A now frustrated turning to furious Mother spit back at Phoebe.
"WEll there's nothing we can do now. I'm late! You have to learn to take better care of your things little missy! Come ON now..I SWEAR!"
Muttering even more under her breath, Mother propelled Phoebe along ,practically lifting her up from the pavement .
Wailing non stop now for her friend, people turned and stared at the show. Mothers face growing red,Phoebes redder still from the now, free flowing, tears...
Turning the corner they entered their apt. building...awaiting Mother, two unpacked Vuitton bags, and several bills to pay before calling a cab and heading to the airport and a week free of little girl histrionics..'Honestly ,all this over a stupid stuffed rabbit..I'll pick her up another one on the trip..damn what a brat!"
part four:
Phoebe threw herself across her bed, tears freely falling where they may, head buried in her pillow,lamenting the loss of her best friend. "I hate her ,she thought." She knew it was wrong, but how could she NOT go back for him. Didn't she KNOW how important he was? "I hate her I hate her I hate her"...repeated over and over in her head,anger replacing the agony of loss.
She barely heard her mother come into the room saying "NOW gran'mother is here Phoebe, I'm going now so be a good girl for her and....Phoebe are you listening to me? Honestly are you STILL crying over that dirty thing? Now come give me a kiss and I will see you in a week." Holding out her arms in the general direction of Phoebe, her mother more intent on seeing if her shoes matched her dress than what the look was on Phoebes face, she weakly hugged the now sniffling sad sack of a little girl.
And left the room. Phoebe watched her walk down the long marble hallway, high heels click clacking away, finally hearing the door close,silence, then Gran'ma off in the distance calling out gaily "Phoebe, I'm making some tea! Come keep Granma company will you I brought those cookies you like so much!"
Phoebe let out a little resigned sigh, walked over to her window, pulled away the billowy curtain ,felt the breeze on her face,and watched the sky turn it's dusk golden hues.
And thought about her friend.
And made a secret wish that whoever found him would take good care of him as she had.
The End
now I COULD have done the murderous child bit in the end..for a nice twist..but...im too tired...
sigh
i hope you rescued the bunny..did u leave it there?
Bravo, PLZH!
I was thinking "Vonnegutt twist" at the end, but enjoyed the way it went. Thanks.
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