Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Teenage Girl President: The Cartoon Series?

When last we left Teenage Girl President she was finally about to escape her self-imposed exile at Coldstone Creamery:

Well, as the new Medium Large comic site lumbers to life it turns out Teenage Girl President may be going on air rather than online. That's because I recently signed a deal to help bring a cartoon series of TGP to a less-than-discriminating basic cable channel near you.

Now this is all in the preliminary stages of eventual turnaround, so my saying "I signed a deal" is in no way the same as my saying "TGP is airing after Venture Bros." (Though that, in two words, would rule). But I am happy that it's moving forward and I thank each and every one who read--and commented on--the comic way back when. You gave me the confidence to seek out and sign this deal.

And, of course, I have to give a special shout-out to Yellojkt for his long-ago post about the viability of such a series...only to be hit with more than his fair share of requests from all-too-enthusiastic stage mothers.

I'll keep you all up-to-date when there is more news.

The Editorials of Mallard Fillmore,
Right-Wing Reporter

The Poor Are Slowing Economic Growth
Maybe if they spent a few bucks they'd be better off

The Great Flood and Why English Should Be Our National Language
Once again the Bible directly addresses 21st Century American politics.

Is Sex Being Taught in Our Medical Schools?
Women’s “stuff” should remain mysterious, foreboding.

I Don't Know the Difference between Iran and Iraq, Either
How Alan Jackson revealed the "Persian" myth.

Liberal Media Fails to Cover Initial Location Scouting for Direct-to-Video Christian Film To Heck with Satan

American NASCAR vs. European Soccer
Which gets better mileage?

Will Cloning Lead to Even More Catholics?
Remember, a lot of them are rather dusky.

Global Warming Disproved by January Frost
Fox News scoops CNN again.

What if I Can Turn Just Like That?
Why the gays should have their own gym.

I Know What I Know
So take back your library card, eggheads!

Hannity Silences Colmes with Stirring “Yeah, But at the End of the Day” Closer
No way Colmes could argue against that.

The Persecuted White Man
Why being in charge of everything puts you at an extreme disadvantage.

Debunking Evolution
If God didn’t create the world in six days then how do explain all these illustrations I found in a Sunday school primer?

Get a Load of What Some Nations Call “Country Music”
Toby Keith wouldn’t be caught dead with a tabla.

The Democratic Party
Oh yeah. I said it.

Intellectuals and Their Crossword Puzzles
Give me a good Junior Jumble any day.

Support the “Acceptable Arts” Bill
Art funding to go to Hummel figurines, “Do I Look Like A Grandmother?” T-shirts and candles in the shape of fruit.

Because I Got Called "Fatty" in the Third Grade By Some Kid Who Might Have Been Black
The birth of The Mallard's political awakening.

Charities Just Don't Make Financial Sense
Didn't anyone ever teach these people about the "profit margin"?

I Don’t Understand Today’s Doonesbury
Or last hour-and-a-half of Memento.

Do Muslims Even Have a Word for “Love”?
Maybe, but dang if I know how to look it up.

Rock Group “Foreigner” Should Be Deported
Award 70’s soft-rock combo “America” full security access.

Most Americans Agree
So why are we even having this argument?

Nation’s Teachers Espouse Lies, Deceit
An unflinching look at our schools’ “fiction anthologies.”

I Thought of Another Incisive Ted Kennedy Joke!
It's about him being drunk.

Reel Evil: Hollywood Films Celebrate Other Cultures
Wait, is it “reel” or “real’? Which one is the opposite of “fake”?

My Name Is a Pun on President Taft
Bet those liberal college students didn't realize that.

Actually, I, Uh, Meant "January"

Apparently I'm not sleeping well, either.

Sally Forth Minus Sally Forth

By now you've probably seen the inspired, ingenious Garfield Minus Garfield site in which the titular cat is removed from his very own strip, leaving owner Jon Arbuckle alone and addled in a strip "about schizophrenia, bipolor disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life." To wit:

This immediately led to the following blatant rip-off, Sally Forth Minus Sally Forth:

And, of course, Family Circus Minus God:

My apologies to the good people of GMG.

Now back to watching the debate...

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Francesco Marciuliano Wants to Stack Google in His Favor

As we all know, Googling has fast become a way for bosses and headhunters to do continuous and stealthy background checks on employees with zero disclosure required. So for the purposes of any and all future job hunts, I hereby input the following information into the search-engine matrix:

Francesco Marciuliano only engages in alcohol consumption during Communion, when toasting the sanctity of marriage or while infiltrating sleeper cells in Napa Valley.

Francesco Marciuliano speaks fluent Cantonese and Mandarin, but never utters either for fear of showing favoritism.

Francesco Marciuliano is an exceedingly inquisitive employee, but not to the point that he could prove of any assistance during a Securities and Exchange Commission investigation.

Francesco Marciuliano knows why the caged bird sings—because it realizes the true joy of working in a highly-structured corporate environment.

Francesco Marciuliano is well aware of the difference between "personal" and "professional," having proven himself quite adept at spelling.

Francesco Marciuliano once took a bullet for a Christian puppy.

Francesco Marciuliano fought for his country time and time again in Stratego, Electronic Battleship and numerous "G.I. Joe vs. Stretch Armstrong (Evil)" battles.

Francesco Marciuliano understands that humor has its time and place—during opening remarks at a company presentation, while securing the trust of a potential sales client and as "best medicine" in lieu of stem cells.

Francesco Marciuliano knows that the surest way to achieve success in business is by building a great business team. Hence his research in robotics.

Francesco Marciuliano is an exceptionally opinionated and strong-willed individual who graps the importance of going with the flow.

Francesco Marciuliano has never missed a day's work, a project deadline or an opportunity to help the homeless build corrugated strongholds against their alien enemies.

Francesco Marciuliano has written several books on business leadership under the pen name "Jack Welch."

Francesco Marciuliano is a devoutly pious man who nonetheless does not discuss religion in the office, since few can pronounce the name of his god.

Francesco Marciuliano coined the term "market branding" after realizing the term "market searing" was just too graphic.

Francesco Marciuliano is never too busy to lift a bus off a baby.

Francesco Marciuliano is indeed the guy who created that thing you can't live without at your place of business or worship.

Francesco Marciuliano is a "very big picture" guy, to the point that time and space have lost all meaning to him.

Francesco Marciuliano may have played a significant role in the recording of "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band," depending on where his mother was during his first and second trimester.

Francesco Marciuliano can handle multiple tasks at once, having double-majored at Duke University in "English" and "Cloning."

Francesco Marciuliano is a remarkably creative type who nonetheless will never cajole the rest of your staff into attending his gallery opening, recital or haiku slam.

Francesco Marciuliano came up with the idea of Google after standing on a toilet to hang a clock only to slip and bang his head on the sink.

It's the Swingin' Music Rectangle That Even Squares Will Circle Around!

Click on image to enlarge:
Courtesy of Bedazzled via RetroThing.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Coming to Theaters This Fall: "Othello"...But Not the Shakespeare One

From The New York Times Lede Blog:

Universal Pictures has announced a six-year partnership with Hasbro to produce at least four feature films based on branded properties.

The properties include “Monopoly,” “Candy Land,” “Clue,” “Ouija,” “Battleship,” “Magic, The Gathering” and “Stretch Armstrong.”

Ignoring the fact that Clue was already made into a movie over 12 years ago, the question remains--will people really want to sit through Monopoly: The Movie, which no doubt will run eight hours only to end in a big fight?

On the other hand, Stretch Armstrong: The Trilogy can't make it to theaters fast enough.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Beatlemania Hit New York Today, 1964

Forty-four years ago today thousands of screaming fans turned out at Kennedy Airport to greet the new British band as they arrived for their first U.S. tour.

So in honor of that event I humbly present some British-themed strips from the Medium Large archives:

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

What the F*ck?

I have no memory of this Saturday morning cartoon at all (courtesy of the great animation site Cartoon Brew):

The animation house for Rubik, the Amazing Cube-- Ruby-Spears Productions--was also responsible for such early 80's cartoon cabochons as Mister T (Mr. T coaches a U.S. gymnastics team, solving mysteries between pummel horse competitions), Turbo Teen (teen morphs into Camaro when exposed to extreme heat, courtesy of secret lab car accident), Thundaar the Barbarian (Earth is destroyed in the far-off year of 1994 only to be reborn 2000 years later as a wizard-ruled wasteland) and Sass-quatch (cheeky Bigfoot gets in and out of all sorts of jams while solving Northwest crimes with three teens, their easily-frightened dog, the ghost of a Revolutionary War soldier, a talking VW van and a magical sprite only they can see, hear and taste).