Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Editorials of Mallard Fillmore,
Right-Wing Reporter

The Poor Are Slowing Economic Growth
Maybe if they spent a few bucks they'd be better off

The Great Flood and Why English Should Be Our National Language
Once again the Bible directly addresses 21st Century American politics.

Is Sex Being Taught in Our Medical Schools?
Women’s “stuff” should remain mysterious, foreboding.

I Don't Know the Difference between Iran and Iraq, Either
How Alan Jackson revealed the "Persian" myth.

Liberal Media Fails to Cover Initial Location Scouting for Direct-to-Video Christian Film To Heck with Satan

American NASCAR vs. European Soccer
Which gets better mileage?

Will Cloning Lead to Even More Catholics?
Remember, a lot of them are rather dusky.

Global Warming Disproved by January Frost
Fox News scoops CNN again.

What if I Can Turn Just Like That?
Why the gays should have their own gym.

I Know What I Know
So take back your library card, eggheads!

Hannity Silences Colmes with Stirring “Yeah, But at the End of the Day” Closer
No way Colmes could argue against that.

The Persecuted White Man
Why being in charge of everything puts you at an extreme disadvantage.

Debunking Evolution
If God didn’t create the world in six days then how do explain all these illustrations I found in a Sunday school primer?

Get a Load of What Some Nations Call “Country Music”
Toby Keith wouldn’t be caught dead with a tabla.

The Democratic Party
Oh yeah. I said it.

Intellectuals and Their Crossword Puzzles
Give me a good Junior Jumble any day.

Support the “Acceptable Arts” Bill
Art funding to go to Hummel figurines, “Do I Look Like A Grandmother?” T-shirts and candles in the shape of fruit.

Because I Got Called "Fatty" in the Third Grade By Some Kid Who Might Have Been Black
The birth of The Mallard's political awakening.

Charities Just Don't Make Financial Sense
Didn't anyone ever teach these people about the "profit margin"?

I Don’t Understand Today’s Doonesbury
Or last hour-and-a-half of Memento.

Do Muslims Even Have a Word for “Love”?
Maybe, but dang if I know how to look it up.

Rock Group “Foreigner” Should Be Deported
Award 70’s soft-rock combo “America” full security access.

Most Americans Agree
So why are we even having this argument?

Nation’s Teachers Espouse Lies, Deceit
An unflinching look at our schools’ “fiction anthologies.”

I Thought of Another Incisive Ted Kennedy Joke!
It's about him being drunk.

Reel Evil: Hollywood Films Celebrate Other Cultures
Wait, is it “reel” or “real’? Which one is the opposite of “fake”?

My Name Is a Pun on President Taft
Bet those liberal college students didn't realize that.


Carl said...

"My Name Is a Pun on President Taft"

Nobody tell Mallard that the real President Taft was a non-Christian. His head would explode.

RT (Panzer Time!) said...

I really love Mallard, but I think it would be wise to point out that Foreigner was American and America was British.

Marquis de Chocula said...

I would LOVE for there to be a Mallard Fillmore vs Sally Forth feud. Also I would love for people to read my Mary Worth / Apartment 3G slashfic.