Can you believe that it's almost Thanksgiving? Can you believe that it's almost 2008? Can you believe that in about 70 years we'll all be dead? All of us. Even the toddlers who somehow managed to get on to this site. I won't go into exact details about how I know such things but suffice it to say that I had the fucking crap scared out of me at dinner last night when I opened my fortune cookie. (Oh, and the Chinese word for "bicycle" is "自行車". Use it in a sentence today.)
Of course, this should come as no surprise. Man has always been painfully aware of his brief stay on earth. Consequently, man has always devised some means of grappling with that knowledge for fear of feeling insignificant by his creator or creators. Some people look forward to an afterlife. Others look forward to another spin at the wheel. And a few simply look to make the most of their time here before they only live on in the minds of friends, family and creditors.
I happen to fall squarely into the last category. I believe that we were given life for a reason, and that reason is not to see what's behind Door Number Two. That reason is to experience the thrill of life while we still have the chance and the health insurance. So with that in mind I created a short list of activities I believe everyone should engage in, not only for the amusing anecdotes but also to know what it really means to live, breathe and be. And because I wanted such activities to be well within the means all--not simply the wealthy--I made certain that each of the following life-affirming pursuits would cost no more than five dollars, tops.
How to Feel Truly Alive on a Budget
* Enjoy the hell out of an apple.
* Swim with ducks.
* Get kidnapped by world travelers.
* Pretend your life is a television show. End each half-hour with a lesson.
* Walk barefoot on the grass, to and from work.
* Inquire about rates and amenities at a five-star hotel.
* Fashion a skateboard out of a discarded plank of wood and four similar-sized oranges.
* Pick an enemy. Devise a retaliatory plan of action. Marvel at your cunning brilliance.
* Make own breakfast cereal with your more crunchy--or more water insoluble--leftovers.
* Face your fear of bankruptcy.
1 comment:
Excellent work as usual. You're a credit to your race.
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