One Reader's Pithy Email Response to the Forths Considering Having a Second Child

World population 6.6 billion.

Yes, because if there's one thing that's going to tip the scales to an unwieldy carrying capacity, depleted resources, unstable economic systems and environmental degradation it's an imaginary child.

A Forth By Any Other Name

With the Forths inching ever so closer to trying to conceive a brother or sister for Hilary, Ted has compiled a short list of names he believes most suitable for the new offspring. Which do you think should make the cut?

1. Steve Austin
2. Dynagirl
3. Yakko
4. Dastardly
5. Jean LaFoote or "Soggies"
6. Baron Karza
7. Farrah
8. Cheetara
9. Adora
10. Zaxxon
11. Smurfette
12. Rio
13. Wham-O
14. Mr. Bubble
15. Frito Bandito
16. Quisp and Quake (twins)
17. Chumley
18. Razzle
19. Goofy Grape
20. Bleep

A Fan Praises the New Sally Forth Story Line

From Comics Curmudgeon Comment Section:
There is no conversation more tiresome than middle aged, middle class people discussing their reproduction. Pretty soon, we will have to listen to Ted saying “We’re pregnant.” or he and Sally telling everyone at the table “We’re trying to get pregnant.”

Seriously, I would much rather hear what you paid for your house, how Jesus changed your life, what the doctor told you about the mole, anything but the angst and struggles of overprivileged pregnancy.

Mr. Marciuliano, I know you read here. Stop it, just stop it. Either she’s pregnant or find another story line, and not one about Ted’s mixed feelings on the subject.

So with the above laudatory note in mind, which plot should I write next?
A) Ted and Sally discuss how on earth they are going to make their house payments after Ted quits his job in tears when a coworker says he looks "hippy."
B) Wanting to give Hilary the moral underpinnings necessary for a good life, Ted and Sally revisit their old church only to find the sacred grove and horgr in disarray, the Volvas at odds with the godi and the god Freyr demanding fresh scacrifices in return for a mild winter.
C) Ted learns his new mole is actually his soul bubbling through his skin in an attempt to find a more suitable host body.

Surface Findings from the Phoenix Mars Lander

Martian soil comprised of 96% astroturf, 4% crushed Natty Light cans.

Martians already three films ahead of us in the National Treasure movie series, two in the Fast and Furious series and fourteen in the Leprechaun series.

Mar's controversial "rebel" flag also available as hood decals, bikinis and swaddling clothes.

“God Bless Tharsis Montes” stickers are everywhere.

Martian textbooks refer to existence of Earth as "an unproven scientific theory."

Martian Dennys won't serve anyone from Phobos or Deimos.

Martian family-values Senator found with his flarx in an underage pudenixblorp.

Construction of Martian Super Wal-Mart decried by upscale residents but Martian Super Target welcomed with open arms.

Mars needs women and an alternative to the SPEED network.

Martians quick to sue when you land intergalactic hardware on their '86 Pontiac Fiero.

From the Mountain View, California Police Blotter

Courtesy of Geoff Davis.

Weezer: Three Years of YouTube in Three and a Quarter Minutes

Spot the cameos and the homages.

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