Because This Week Calls for Something Beautifully Inane

It's been a tough week here so something absolutely pointless, ridiculous, horrifying and, yes, wonderful (in that sick kind of way) is necessary. Hence, courtesy of the must-read music blog Jason Hare.com (especially for those who revel in the mellow music of the 70's and the mistakes of the 80's) comes the video for It’s Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown:


Just a note: According to Jason Hare.com, the male co-singer of this masterpiece is none other than Joey Scarbury, the man who gave us one of my personal faves, Believe It or Not (Theme from "The Greatest American Hero"):

Beware My Long Island Accent, Radio Listeners

Yesterday I did my first radio interview for NPR (well, for any radio station, actually). It was in response to a Sunday strip I did a few weeks back about comic strips becoming far too serious in their topics and tone and was part of an overall tribute to the upcoming passing of a character on "Funky Winkerbean" (the NPR station broadcasts out of Ohio, the home of the Winkerbean cartoonist).

I rambled for a solid 20 minutes but cannot recall exactly what I said. I mentioned something about Hagar the Horrible discussing sarin gas and Japanese death cults ("I'm telling you, Helga, Aum Shinrikyo is the true light!"). I think I said that if you ever see the characters in "Crock" complaining about subprime loans then you know that cartoonist is about to lose his house. I might have closed by saying that as a kid I identified greatly with Charie Brown, although I had a more varied wardrobe and didn't suffer from prepubescent alopecia. And somewhere in the midde I casually said "Mallard Fillmore" is like that horrible uncle you have to see on holidays who launches into a 45-minute, bile-fueled screed about how Lapplanders moved into his neighborhood.

I don't know what they will use but by September's end when the show is broadcast I'll have once more successfully embarrassed my blood and corporate families.

From now on I'm communicating soley through semiphore.

Thank You

Thank you to everyone who sent such heartfelt emails and comments regarding Boris's passing. It means the world to me.

I'm going to take a few more days off from posting than I had originally planned.

In the meantime, here is a very nice ode to the loss of a pet (and a great essay on the nature of relationships).

Thank you again.

In Memory of My Best Friend (May 15, 1993-August 19, 2007)

Boris was one of the dearest friends and closest family members I have ever known. He was kind, warm, friendly, empathetic, playful, serene and a whole host of attributes that many people rarely associate with cats. He was so beloved at the animal hospital that after a few visits they began to provide him with free treatment whenever possible. He loved to have his belly rubbed. He was the cat that could convert the dog-lovers. As my friend Sean stated, "Until I met Boris I hated cats. But he wasn't a cat. He was Boris."

Boris helped me through my worst moments and was there at my very best. He was there when I met some of the most important people in my life. He was not my pet. He was one of my most treasured friends and I miss him terribly. I can only hope that he is no longer in pain and is now resting comfortably, surrounded by a never-ending assortment of food and catnip.

Upcoming Blog Entries

Hey there!

Blog entries may be few and far between for the next three weeks for one of the following reasons:

* I have been kidnapped by the dreaded pirate Bluetooth who, despite his nom de pillage, provides absolutely no wi-fi access to his captives.

* By the end of this sentence I would have used up all the English I learned while studying for my TOEFL: Long Island as First Language Edition exam and must now teach myself some new words.

* I have given up writing and cartooning all together for my new, one true passion--onanism.

* Turns out the coroner was right. I am dead.

* I'm going to bum around on a beach in Portugal for the next three weeks under the misguided belief that if I ring in my 40th birthday in a foreign land then the age won't really take and I will remain 39 when I return to the U.S. in mid-August.

Thanks for reading this blog! Will try to update whenever and wherever possible. If not, see you in mid-August!

Ces

Famous Product Failures #1: New Coke

This year marks the 25th anniversary of the introduction of Diet Coke. Lost in the fanfare, however, is the almost-as-historic 22nd anniversary of the launch of New Coke (as well as the 15th anniversary of its ultimate demise). The following is the true story of that latter soda's famous failure.


New Coke
1985
Reason for failure: Rapidly losing market share due to the tremendous success of the “Pepsi Challenge” campaign, Coca-Cola dropped its one hundred-year-old flagship soda in favor of a sweeter-tasting recipe. The resulting beverage, “New Coke,” proved an instant smash, quickly outselling the original product across all demographics. Supermarkets couldn’t keep the brand on the shelf. Business schools touted “New Coke” as the very model of marketing savvy and crisis management. Late-night talk show hosts repeatedly made jokes about how no one could even remember what the “Old Coke” (or “UnCoca-Cola” as it became to be known) tasted like. People were so overwhelmed by the cola’s success, in fact, that they failed to notice the sudden and sharp increase in werewolf attacks across the United States. Within two years of New Coke’s introduction America had become 65% lyncanthrope, causing great debate about whether or not the National Anthem should be rewritten to include howls and if two werewolves could legally marry, given that one could never properly ascertain their gender unless you lifted up their tail and looked closely. Eventually the Senate sought to limit all werewolf rights, leading to a full-scale monster attack on the capital and its citizens, re-enacted in the blockbuster film “RowrRoarCrunchSlop.” By 1992 New Coke was pulled in favor of spilt blood.

"Fan" Art

An, uh, inspired revision from the people of Yo God:


Thanks to Dave for the heads-up!

Also available for your amusement: Help Sally Choose a New Hairstyle.