What The Great Pumpkin Said to Linus

"Wait, what do you mean you're not Jewish?"

"Are you a narc? Because you have to tell me if you're a narc."

"Actually, I'm just zipping around the world handing out flyers for my band's gig tomorrow night. We kinda have a indie/funk/reggae fusion like vibe. Anyway, admission's free but the bar owner's being a real dick about the drink minimum..."

"It's time you learn that 'sincere patch' is just another way of saying 'straightforward bribe.'"

"Well, then just take out the maximum the ATM will allow. And hurry up. My trigger finger's gettin' itchy..."

"Yeah, well, not every pumpkin is perfectly shaped, bright orange and not riddled with mold spores."

"I could've gone into the family business. Could be making a tidy little fortune on wall-to-wall carpeting. But no, I had to be the artsy one...

"You're 'TrueBeliever69'?! But I thought you were a hot chick! Oh, well...what's the little girl's story?..."

"Yes, that's all you get--one Tootsie Roll and one mini-box of Chiclets. I'm not running a freakin' charity for pre-diabetics here."

"Soon every pumpkin in this patch will duplicate your friends and loved ones. Then we will rise--RISE!--as a pointed indictment of McCarthyism!"

"I used to really like Rachel Maddow but now...I don't know...MSNBC is annoying me just as much as all the other news channels..."

"Actually, I don't bring gifts. I just fly around with my little UNICEF box, asking for spare change."

"Did I ask you who 'Keyser Söze' was?! DID I?! No! I just said I can't believe I have yet to see that film but then you had to go and blow it for me! Cocksucker..."

"Christ, each kid, uglier than the last...:

"Hey, what's with the cinnammon, cloves, graham cracker crus...oh, fuck..."

"Kid, you're 18. Enough's enough. Shouldn't you be out on the town, impregnating the future divorced mother of your six halfwit kids?"

"Stop willing me into existence! I shouldn't be!"

"So you're saying we both forgot to bring lube."