How to Celebrate the Summer Indoors, in Your Cubicle, in Complete Denial

• Introduce “two-piece” business casual.

• Install a Slip ‘n Slide on the escalator.

• Periodically run up and down the office hallway, screaming “Ice cream man! Ice cream man!”

• Replace office chairs with patio furniture, the copier with a Weber grill and your supervisor with a Slurpee machine.

• Forgo business cards in favor of carefully marked water balloons.

• Find out which employee has a pool. Show up at his house each morning, en masse, in swim trunks, for “meetings.”

• Gather together a couple of your buddies and go “cruising” around the office in the mail cart.

• Instead of “hello” say “aloha,” instead of “goodbye” say “surf’s up” and instead of “the finished presentation is on your desk” say “God, I so fucking wish I were in Hawaii right now.”

• Introduce “Summer Concert” conference calls (bring guitar).

• Bring the outdoors inside. Release a swarm of cicadas on the senior manager’s floor.

• Refer to the summer intern as “cabana boy.”

• Relive the innocent joys of your childhood summers. Spend the majority of your afternoons sneaking cheap beer.

• Rename the conference room “the summer carnival,” the hallway “the boardwalk” and your cubicle “the nude beach.”

• At 8, drink your coffee out of pineapple shell. At 12, eat your lunch out of a picnic basket. At 3, ask a coworker to apply a generous layer of tanning oil on your back and hindquarters.

• Set off the sprinkler system—set off some fireworks.

• Introduce “Half-Price Margarita” PowerPoint presentations.