So Long, Sally.

No doubt by now you've heard the rumors (after all, little can be kept a secret today with the Internet). But for those of you who don't know what I'm referring to or prefer facts to speculation, this will be my last week writing Sally Forth. While strips I have previously penned will be running through May in dailies and June on Sundays, I will no longer be giving voice to Sally, Hilary and--most important of all--Ted, after this Friday.

It was a tough decision to make, leaving characters that have become not only friends but my family, knowing that I will no longer get to explore their world, embark on their adventures and enjoy growing old together (well, not literally in the Forths' case). And I will forever be grateful to those who made the comic and the characters a part of their lives and especially to those who took the time to write to me (both in praise and in criticism). But as I have learned in the last few years one must not only accept change but often embrace it, for sometimes only by altering one's path can one discover their true direction.

However, just because I'm saying a fond farewell to one strip does in no way mean I'm bidding adieu to the funny pages. In fact, one of the biggest reasons I'll no longer be writing Sally Forth is because I'll be concentrating on my newest comic outing--writing Mallard Fillmore!

Why Mallard Fillmore you may ask? Well, as the years have passed I have watched the strip's three-panel polemics come to more and more mirror my own views. True, some may say that my opinions have hardened. But I would counter that they have instead crystallized, becoming more definite, clear and increasingly transparent. Many of you younger readers may not quite realize it yet but as you get older you'll soon see that the word "others" was never meant to be inclusive. That the phrases "social injustice" and "a financially and spiritually crippling war based more on doctrine than defense" are just that, phrases. That the most important question a person can ask his (not her) white self is "What's in it for me?"

That's why over the past few months I have been working closely with Mallard's creator Bruce Tinsley to accurately understand and acquire the strip's singular voice, its distinctive use of caricatures over characters and its unique ability to boil down complex political and social issues into pithy personal attacks (often focusing on one's extra weight or incorrect gender). Bruce has also helped me find quick (if not exactly quick-witted) responses to many of the problems plaguing our Christian nation, providing me with such insightful examples as: "Why is there a subprime mortgage crisis? Because poor people are stupid." "Why can't Hilary make a good president? Because Bill got a blow job." "What's the best way to address rising Russian nationalism, China's growing economic strength and an unprecedented tarnishing of America's global image? Because feminists are ugly."

It's been an interesting and involving re-education to say the least, and I will try my best to make certain I don't let down the tens of Mallard Fillmore fans (or, as they like to refer to themselves, "bird brains"). And I hope that you, too, will join me on this new path of well, if not enlightenment then certainly entitlement.

Thank you and God Bless America.

"Just...Just Listen...Listen...Listen...Wait, What Was I Saying?..."

I just want to say that Hilary and Jackie look like they've been drinking since dawn the previous day.

Speaking of Hilary and Jackie, look at this (everything is a pop culture reference, people).

Death Comes in the Night on Little Cat's Feet

Andrew W.K. sings about the McLaughlin Group.

Didn't They Open for Sigue Sigue Sputnik?

Over the years I have found that most comic strip readers think syndicated cartoonists were born--if not already married and had kids--around the time the record industry switched from 78 rpm singles to that fancy LP technology.

Hence, I can confidently bet that some people looking at the first panel of today's Sally Forth are thinking, "'Vampire Monkeys'?!? That's just the kind of band name I'd expect from some no doubt 65-year-old cartoonist who when he's not playing golf is wondering why PBS still gets funding!"

Well, here's the pointless breakdown: I like Vampire Weekend. I like Arctic Monkeys. Hil and Faye's band is The New Delhi Monkey Gang. They often sings about vampires (when not making concept albums about suburban werewolf life cycles). Hence "Vampire Monkeys." Ta-da.

Oh, and if you happen to be at Roseland tonight, make sure to look for the sensibly dressed Midwestern couple wondering how on earth beer could cost $8 a cup.

And Starring Nathan Lane as Chigurh!

In response to a line in the final panel of yesterday's Sally Forth, in which Ted almost purchases tickets to a Coen Brothers-inspired Broadway extravaganza, Comic Curmudgeon reader Dingo penned the following lyrics:

No Country for Old Men: The Musical

Could be…
Who knows…
Evil lurks on the plains
Way out west
On the range
Watch how it grows…

Who’s he?
Fear grows…
Coming from
Devil’s lair
Major badness
Oy! That hair!
“Hamill” it crows…

Could it be?
Yes, it could!
Evil’s coming, coming good.
Name of Chigurh
Bab’s son-in-law Josh is cute
Furry ’stache, butt to boot!
But I demure…

Moss has cash
From the truck
Back to trailer
Wife he fuck
Now on the run…
Chigurh trail you like a ghost
Son, you’re toast
Give it up now…

Ed Tom Bell
Slowin’ down
Liz wear gramma’s wedding gown
Wait! Don’t go there…
Chigurh, won’t you be the man
Kill that jackbitch, Lynn Johnston
Everyone cheer…

Moss cross the border
Moss swim the Grande River
C’mon, deliver to me!

People dyin’
Quite a scene
Chigurh uses
Cow machine
Hole in the head…
Deputy goes
Man in car
Woody Harrelson (such a star)
Oops! Carla Jean…

Chigurh, he lingers
The sheriff next he’ll finger
But spidey tinglers
He free!

Could it be?
Yes, it could!
Chigurh’s coming, neighborhood
Maybe tonight
Maybe tonight….

Also from Comics Curmudgeon--in regards to Josh's link to my blog post email exchange with Pearls Before Swine's Stephan Pastis--comes one of the best backhanded compliments I have ever received, courtesy of a man/woman named "Rhymes with Puck":

After reading the blog post, I would say that my respect for Ces Marciuliano - before this post known to me as only ‘whoever the jack-off is who writes Sally Forth’ - has gone up infinitely, since of course I had no respect for him until now.

Ted and Rat, Together Again for the First Time

As it was foretold...



Thank you, Stephan, for the great idea and the original artwork of today's Pearls Before Swine!

Of All Things, Another 70's Flashback

For me this song will always say "That spring break when I was eight-years-old and my family operated a booth at an adult entertainment convention in Daytona, Florida selling pornographic T-shirts and penis cozies while I wandered the center bored out of my mind, collecting free Playboy cocktail shakers and copies of Oui before I was screamed at by actor Sam Elliott for taking too many mood rings." Enjoy.