Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Hardy Men Mystery Novels

We all grew up with the Hardy Boys. Isn’t it time they grew up with us? Introducing a new series of mystery novels written specifically for an older—if not particularly wiser—generation. Each edition in the new Hardy Men library details the exciting adventures of our now middle-aged but still intrepid heroes, including:

“The Hardy Men and the Case of What's-His-Face, Y'know, That Guy...I Think It Begins with an M.”
Yep, Frank and Joe are off on their latest escapade, only to suddenly forget who they were pursuing. Frank is certain he wrote it on the back of his shopping list while Joe yells at his kids to keep quiet for just one goddamn minute so he can think straight. Eventually the two go back to the couch and watch SportsCenter.

“The Hardy Men and the Missed Financial Opportunity That Really Could Have Gotten Them Back on Their Feet.”
Recently downsized from their jobs and trying to make ends meet, Frank and Joe are let in on a sure-fire investment by Chet, only to be held back by a now complete lack of self-confidence. The two then spend the next several months dreaming about how they could have flaunted their wealth in front of their so-called friends.

“The Hardy Men and the Case of Those Thieving Bastards Down at the Car Dealership.”
When Frank and Joe go to lease some previously owned family vans, little do they know that they'll be the ones taken for a ride. But six hours and seven charges for "undercoating" later, the brothers feel horribly violated and not all too certain about how their wives will react to matching Serbian-manufactured Yugos.

“The Hardy Men Inadvertently Kill Most of Their Day at Home Depot Buying the Wrong Drill Bit before Going to Brewster’s Pub to Watch Their Local Team Not Win Enough to Cover the Spread and Hear that Hot New Piece of Ass behind the Bar Call Them “Old Timers” and then Driving Home to Each Find Their Home’s Foundation Cracking, Their Boiler Dying and Their Youngest Son Being Encouraged to Consider Only Trade Schools or Food Service Training Programs at the Tender Age of Five.”
Frank and Joe go back to Brewster’s and drink themselves blind.

“The Hardy Men Grow Eerily Silent While Flipping through Their High School Yearbook.”
While looking for the DVD manual to see how to remove a Dragon Ball Z figure out of the disc tray, Frank stumbles across his old high school yearbook. The brothers then spend the next three hours in quiet reflection, reliving long-forgotten accomplishments, recalling all-too-fleeting glory and imagining having sex with every single girl in their 12th grade class.

So whether you want to relive a childhood classic or just have something to hide your face behind while your kids scream at each other at the dinner table, the Hardy Men Mystery Novels will let you experience true adventure without the usual shortness of breath and aching joints that now seem to accompany everything you do.

2 comments:

Skidss said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
D said...

If you haven't read "The Boy Detective Fails" by Joe Meno, you have to do it now.

It comes with a decoder ring!