Monday, September 8, 2008
How Ted Forth Tries to Make Friends at Work
Asks coworkers which limb they would most like to be on Voltron.
Whenever there's a lull in business conversation says, "Look what I can do with my tongue."
Every Monday morning leaves a candy heart on each person's desk that reads, "U R NICE."
Tries to carefully remove any unsightly strands of hair from men's shoulders.
Always compliments female coworkers' wardrobe choices by exclaiming, "Say goodbye to my eyes' diet because you look de-lish-us!"
Tries to engage in every conversation he passes by suddenly stopping, saying, "I heard that!" and then patiently waiting and smiling until someone fills him in on what exactly they're talking about.
Has tried on more than one occasion to get a game of "telephone" started around the conference table.
Offers free egg creams to the first 80 people who stop by his office each day.
At 4:30 PM every Friday he breaks out the boom box, blares the Pointer Sisters' I'm So Excited and invites everyone to join him in shaking off "those workweek willies!"
Asks point blank, "Will you be my friend?"