Friday, August 8, 2008

Things You Will Never Overhear at the 2008 Summer Olympics

"Breathe in deep that fresh Beijing air. Smell that? That's the smell of freedom, my boy."

“Wow, NBC hasn’t focused on a single American athlete yet.”

“If you ever needed proof that rhythmic gymnastics is a real sport, there it is.”

“Remember, this broadcast is our big chance to really asks our Chinese hosts the hard political and ethical questions."

“You want to see team unity? You should check out the Italians.”

“China and Taiwan have decided to share the gold medal.”

“This is the Olympics. We don’t need your corporate sponsorships.”

“I’m getting sick and tired of Canada’s uppity attitude.”

“We completely sold out of modern pentathlon T-shirts again.”

“The network only wants objective ‘video diaries’ on the athletes. Don’t play on the viewers’ emotions.”

“Now that I won the gold, I want to become a professional discus thrower.”

"And over there is the official press booth for Chinese bloggers."

“And yet another synchronized swimming team will be performing to Sister Christian.”

“For me, nothing embodies the true spirit of the Ancient Olympic games like beach volleyball.”

“It’s 9 a.m. and the Irish soccer team looks fresh-faced, bright-eyed and ready for action.”

“Jeez, it seems like simply everybody’s rooting for the United States these days.”

"And though he failed to garner a single medal for China, I'm sure his family remains unharmed."

“Man, Portugal’s winning everything!”

4 comments:

t2ed said...

How about:

"That Kobe Bryant just loves to pass the ball."

"At these Olympics, they just call it food, not Chinese food."

And if they swam to Sister Christian, I'd be totally in for the synchronization.

Dennis said...

These medals were not made in Taiwanese slave labor camps populated with refugee Darfurians.

Konichiwa, bitches!

DrBear said...

"Because of the Olympian ideal of physical perfection, we will not have any ads from McDonald's or Budweiser."

'I've been watching this opening ceremony for two hours and I don't understand a damn thing."

"We're at the Greco-Roman Wrestling and...oh my God, that's the Undertaker's music!"

yellojkt said...

"And none of the gymnasts can get any tampon endorsement deals until they reach puberty."