Thursday, August 7, 2008

Things to Accomplish by Age 30 Slightly Modified Now That I Just Turned 41

• Write the Great American Book Review on Amazon.com

• Earn a PhD. in air conditioning and refrigeration.

• Travel to a wildlife preserve operated by Six Flags.

• Have a threesome for Scrabble or DVD rental.

• See the pyramids for what they really are on the Discovery Channel.

• Learn another language is hard to master…or even converse in above a preschool level.

• Reorganize my priorities by deliciousness.

• Try new things by finally opening and playing my Atari "Basic Math" cartridge.

• See more of the U.S. through various business flight connections.

• Start exercising my options about which gym to join.

• Perform a one-man play, while drunk, at a friend’s Christmas party.

• Learn to play an instrument, like the tambourine or triangle.

• Fall in love with a television character.

• Backpack across Staten Island.

• Study art by way of museum gift shop postcards.

• Create my own small company letterhead.

• Write, produce and direct a movie about my cat.

• Go cliff diving, skydiving or mountain climbing out of necessity to escape an angry mob.

• Learn to appreciate opera references in old Bugs Bunny cartoons.

• Remove the clutter in my life through delinquent payments.

• Achieve greater spiritual enlightenment by starting less fights on the supermarket checkout line.

• Not only come to terms with your shortcomings but also embrace them as valid excuses.

6 comments:

Elizabeth said...

"Reorganize my priorities by deliciousness."

This is now officially my most delicious priority!

Sara Benincasa said...

I THOUGHT YOU SAID NO THREESOMES! I talked about this on the fucking SHOW the other night! Are you trying to undercut my authenticity as an entertainer and educationer? OR ARE YOU JUST TAUNTING ME WITH YOUR LIES?!

40 by 40 said...

Happy Birthday Ces!!! This is Andrea from good ole Duke days. I've been reading Sally Forth ever since I accidentally came upon it and realized I knew the 'toonist. Thank you for allowing me to brag that I know/knew at least one famous person!
Hope you're well and I'd love to see you sometime!

Linda said...

How very timely and hilarious. I am turning forty in a few days and between you, me and all the people who read your blog, it ain't going real well. Thank you for lowering the bar and lightening my mood. Happy Birthday Ces!

yellojkt said...

Uh, I only have a bachelors in air conditioning and refrigeration, but shouldn't that be "fewer fights", not "less."

My dream item on my bucket list is to get a PhD in American Literature because that is just the most decadent useless thing I can imagine doing.

Matthew said...

You turned what? I had you at 35 tops, you handsome man.