Shining, Gleaming, Streaming, Flaxen, Waxen

For the past 15 years I have worried about my hair.

It has indeed receded and thinned but still does its job of covering up the ol' scalp for now. But that was never really the problem. As many people hardwired for depression I suffer from unhealthy obsessions. These obsessions create a seemingly endless mental loop in which what is a minor issue at best or temporary obstacle at worst consume my days and sometimes years. Thinning hair meant I was aging. Aging meant I was running out of time to accomplish my goals. Running out of time meant I had little chance of achieving said goals if at all. Thus, with nothing to look forward to I could only concentrate on the now, which meant my thinning hair. As the loop continued I'd add new worries, compile new personal and physical flaws and remove any and all positive outcomes, resulting in an outlook about my appearance that prevented me seeing past my own nose while making me wish I could never see my face. I became trapped in my own mind inside a body I had grown to dislike.

Like my shyness that I spoke of yesterday, this obsessive nature has inflicted far-reaching damage throughout my life, harming my present and almost assuredly hobbling my future. And like my shyness over the past few months I've taken great strides in both looking at the problem straight in the eye and being able to see past my own little world. It takes a great deal of effort to break out of crippling yet comforting cycles and certainly some days are better than others, but at least I feel like I'm moving forward now, not just retracing the same steps ad infinitum.

As for why I bring all this up here, there are a few reasons. First, I need to learn how to confront--but not navel-gaze--and this blog certainly gives me the venue and reason to analyze and write out my thoughts (yes, I know that is the main reason people maintain blogs, but I've been hesitant to do such until now). Second, seeing these thoughts in print greatly increases the chances that whatever conclusions I draw will be put into action. And third, while I prefer to post humor pieces, sometimes the distance humor allows prevents me from getting the work I need done.

Next Up: Newfound Comfort with Full-Frontal Nudity! (Just the topic you want to hear about from the guy who brings you Sally Forth)