Tuesday, March 3, 2009

What Did Rush Limbaugh Do After His Speech to CPAC?

Foamed at mouth for nine more hours, first on stage, then in press room, then while hanging upside down from rafters of The Omni Hotel.

Sought to raise army of dead in Arlington National Cemetery, first with incantation, then with shovel.

Ran down Pennsylvania Avenue, naked and repeatedly screaming "Rush smash!"

Flipped squad car. Tore into vehicle's exposed underbelly with own teeth.

Drank blood of all orphans he captured with butterfly net.

Replaced own hands with battle axes, chest cavity with mini fridge.

Challenged all comers to "fiddle contest" for their very souls.

Hijacked airplane. Demanded pilot take him back to 1950's.

Stabbed elderly and poor indiscriminately while straddling a freed circus lion.

Chiseled 300-foot likeness of self into side of Lincoln Monument using only his bare fists.

Amassed cabal of homeless people for own "Transient Legion of Doom."

Believed himself to be Spider-man after mistaking own string of drool as webbing. Fell 40 stories.

Consumed 14 gallons of high-octane gasoline to ready himself for cross-country run.

Argued long and loud with penguins in Washington Zoo. Eventually adopted many of the birds' more salient political points.

Flew over Georgetown District for one whole minute courtesy of own makeshift "human crossbow" device.

Attempted to singlehandedly build Tower of Babel in National Mall using inferior "Mega Blocks" as opposed to far more acceptable "Lego" bricks.

Rubbed himself provocatively against trees, traffic cops.

Spun around in circle all night in attempt to reverse earth's rotation.

Repeatedly bellowed, "Rush shall have thee!" to every attractive woman on sidewalk.

Set fire to self, did "The Worm."


yellojkt said...

"Called his doctor after four hours for more ED pills."

Jim said...

And passed out flat on the sidewalk until the police arrived and took the homeless man to jail.

The Old Man said...

Actually, I think the fiddle contest and running naked except for a Steelers (spit) jersey were what happened. But what do I know?

Andrea said...

I would pay cash to see the last one.

Dvandom said...

Those penguins know their stuff.

Jen said...

"replaced chest cavity with mini fridge"


Dann said...

I'm kind of disappointed, Ces. What...exactly...was it about Mr. Limbaugh's speech that motivated this response?

Dann [from RACS]