Thursday, April 17, 2008

Beloved 70'S Television Episodes

* Mr. Roarke somehow manages to turn even a small child's fantasy about an emergency liver transplant into a hard lesson on the perils of getting what you wish for.

* The fine line between "comically delinquent" and "criminally dangerous" is forever blurred when the Sweathogs adopt a gang color.

* Hawkeye's constant switching from Marx Brothers-inspired silliness to sermons on the horrors of war reaches its zenith when he treats a soldier who has lost his legs but somehow wound up with a duck on his head.

* Battlestar Galactica emphasizes its Egyptian mythology parallels with an awkward cameo from Anwar Sadat.

* Already in trouble for trying to bootleg a Doobie Brothers concert, Rerun is forced by bullies to illegally record a KC & The Sunshine Band show while Raj and Dwayne are left to wonder why only the whitest bands in America come to play South Central.

* Jack Tripper must once again prove to Mr. Roper that he's gay, this time by sleeping with another man while his landlord watches through a peephole in the next room, pantsless.

* The Bionic Man, Bionic Woman and Bionic Dog match wits with Bigfoot in an episode selected from an elementary school writing contest.

* Harvey Korman can't stop laughing when a peach pit gets lodged inside Tim Conway's throat.

* Fearing the public would soon tire of "Whatchoo talkin' bout?" Diff'rent Strokes writers introduce Arnold Drummond's new catchphrase--"Bitch, I said pancakes!"

* In a famous Happy Days/Laverne & Shirley crossover story, Arthur Fonzarelli and The Big Ragu fill Italian-American viewers with both great pride and terrible shame.

* When an outbreak of Legionnaire's Disease occurs on the Pacific Princess, Captain Stubing learns just how little an ocean liner-appointed doctor is equipped to handle.

* The simple American pioneer life continues on Little House on the Prairie as each family must blind their eldest daughter to appease the harvest god.

* In a story ripped from the headlines, killer bees kidnap Nancy Drew and brainwash her into joining their terrorist group while the Hardy Boys try to prevent an OPEC oil crisis only for their DC-10 to nosedive.

* Although forbidden to do so, Carol ascends the stairs to the attic only to find the first Mrs. Brady still alive and quite mad.

* The electricity is shut off, someone is shot, the city is on fire, rabid wolves patrol the tenement halls and everyone loses their job in just another typical episode of the ironically-titled Good Times.

9 comments:

Sara Benincasa said...

"Bitch, I said pancakes!"?!?

Brilliant.

D.B. Echo said...

I think I saw that episode of Carol Burnett!

mintzworks said...

Turns out you're still hilarious.

Who knew?!

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Claude said...

I always wondered if Carmine Ragusa entered EVERY room singing "Rags to Riches", or if it was just Laverne & Shirley's apartment.

My favorite part of any "Happy Days" episode was the actors standing there trying to look natural while waiting for their entrance applause to settle down. Instead, they mostly looked kind of twitchy.

yellojkt said...

I hate to be That Geek, but Battlestar Galactica is Greco-Roman mythology. Stargate is Egyptian.

dougputhoff said...

You will be pleased to know that when I googled "Bitch, I said pancakes," yours was the lone result.

And I think, on that ep of "Good times, JJ got VD.

Matthew said...

Actually Battlestar is Mormonism.