After 25 years, countless questions,an interminable period of unemployment, a part-time job in a toy store and that week he danced under the name "Cinnamon Dandy," Ted Forth's actual profession will be revealed tomorrow, Saturday March 8th, in Sally Forth.
Gather the kids, get the camera, try to pretend to give a damn and consider for one last time if any of the following is Ted's true long-standing career:
A Renegade Cop Who Plays by His Own Rules:
"Is that blood?! Oh, God, tell me that's not blood! AUGH! It's blood! It's blood!!! Blood on my pants! Somebody catch me..."
NASCAR Pit Crew Member:
"Seriously, none of you guys saw the Colin Firth 'Pride & Prejudice'? In a word--divine!"
"Not bad...if 'croquembouche' is French for 'travesty'!!!"
"Italian sausages on toasted rolls with sweet pepper and onion saute? That's...that's not a proper breakfast. Here, let me make you some of my patented 'Ted Tahoe Brunch'..."
Gay Porn Star:
Gas Station Attendant:
"I think the problem with your car is the corpuscle...wait, is that right?"
"You just have to make do with what you find. See, some mayo, a highlighter, old aluminum foil and viola! Frosted tips!"
"Not the face! Not the face!!!"