Friday, March 7, 2008

He Does WHAT for a Living?

After 25 years, countless questions,an interminable period of unemployment, a part-time job in a toy store and that week he danced under the name "Cinnamon Dandy," Ted Forth's actual profession will be revealed tomorrow, Saturday March 8th, in Sally Forth.

Gather the kids, get the camera, try to pretend to give a damn and consider for one last time if any of the following is Ted's true long-standing career:

A Renegade Cop Who Plays by His Own Rules:
"Is that blood?! Oh, God, tell me that's not blood! AUGH! It's blood! It's blood!!! Blood on my pants! Somebody catch me..."

NASCAR Pit Crew Member:
"Seriously, none of you guys saw the Colin Firth 'Pride & Prejudice'? In a word--divine!"

Pastry Chef:
"Not bad...if 'croquembouche' is French for 'travesty'!!!"

Mob Accountant:
"Italian sausages on toasted rolls with sweet pepper and onion saute? That's...that's not a proper breakfast. Here, let me make you some of my patented 'Ted Tahoe Brunch'..."

Gay Porn Star:
"Oh...oh my..."

Gas Station Attendant:
"I think the problem with your car is the corpuscle...wait, is that right?"

Drifter/Hobo:
"You just have to make do with what you find. See, some mayo, a highlighter, old aluminum foil and viola! Frosted tips!"

Lion Tamer:
"Not the face! Not the face!!!"

8 comments:

Jim said...

I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight, waiting for my Saturday L.A. Times to arrive!

Wait a minute, if I were on the East Coast, I could get a newspaper even earlier. Time to check Yahoo Travel for last-minute plane tickets!

So-Called Austin Mayor said...

Wait a minute...

You mean Ted isn't a Democratic political operative?

Well, then who is the Clinton campaign going to bring on board to stop Obama?

Haggar?

That would never work!

-- SCAM

ParallaxG said...

My money's on 'rodeo clown'.

Kaitlyn said...

I'd love for him to be bitter cop who plays by his own rules, who has been beaten down by the system, etc, etc.


On his first day. As a rookie. XD


About Sally Forth events this spring - will his new job be making guest appearances in Pearls Before Swine?

When is that going to happen? It should be soon, Rat's a concierge!

yellojkt said...

I'm still pulling for donkey show fluffer.

Andrea said...

Go go boy. Okay, a gone to seed go go boy, but still ...

yellojkt said...

I wish I could work in the high stakes industry of strategic sourcing. Ted's Wikipedia entry has already been updated with this important addition to the Sally Forth canon.

So-Called Austin Mayor said...

"I'm still pulling for donkey show fluffer." -- yellojkt

So now we know what Ted does for a living and what Yellojkt does for fun.

-- SCAM