Thursday, November 18, 2010
What Ted Forth Could Have Said to His Mother-in-Law Instead
"I don't know what's more insulting--your attitude or your Talbots ensemble."
"Just for that you're not getting the antidote."
"If you wanted to make a grown man hysterically weep before woefully cooing like a mourning dove and then passing out on fainting couch then mission accomplished!"
"If it weren't for the 12 'Sally Forth' comic readers looking at us right now I'd kill you with my bare hands."
"Kali ma... Kali ma... Kali ma, shakthi deh!"
"I pride myself on being a man of few words...Boogerhead!"
"Thanks to years of therapy, constant work on myself and the ability to sublimate all frustration and depression through huffing, I'm going to ignore that."
"That's it. I'm taking the sherry, the shawl and this Barbara Cartland novel and I'm going to bed."
"If you'd be so kind as to give me a lock of your hair and two hours in the sewing room I'll have the perfect voodoo retort for you."
"Do you know what 'tard rage' is, Laura?"
"I don't know if it's your commanding presence or your Aqua Net hairspray but I've never been so turned on in my life!"
"This is so going on tumblr."
"Why, you...you...scruffy nerf herder!"
"Sure, there may be worse ways to go than being buried alive, but I can't think of any so start digging."