Friday, June 4, 2010

“The Three of Us Would Make a Great Sandwich” and Other Drunken Comments Best Left Unsaid at After-Work Gatherings

• “Sometimes, late at night when I’m alone, I like to pretend that I’m you so I can finally feel pretty.”

• “I don’t want to go into particulars right now but suffice it to say that I’ll be needing an airtight alibi on the night of the 14th. You cool?”

• “Anybody mind if I unbuckle?”

• “I don’t know what it is about orphans that makes me laugh.”

• “I have 12 cats, one named for each apostle.”

• “If I knew we were going to go to a pub after work I wouldn’t have had so much to drink at lunch.”

• “You were in my dream. And you. And so were you. And all three of you were on fire.”

• “I resent you using the word ‘harassment’ to describe what is so clearly devotion.”

• “It’s not that I don’t believe in God. It’s just that ever since you were made my boss I can’t believe He gives a rat’s ass.”

• “My AA sponsor is not going to be happy with this.”

• “Don’t you think it’s about time that the women in this office started kissing each other?”

• “My dog said the craziest thing last night.”

• “I don’t know why my mother picked out this particular outfit for me this morning.”

• “I have so much pent-up love and absolutely nowhere to unleash it.”

• “Every morning I wake up and tell myself, ‘No. no. Don’t bring the rifle to work today.’”

• “Mind if I follow you home?”

• “Thank God this bar has peanuts or this would be the fourth night in a row I went without dinner.”

• “Nothing like a night out with coworkers to confirm my every opinion of you guys.”

1 comment:

D.B. Echo said...

So you're saying one more cat and I can rename them all according to your suggestion? I don't know if the ones who have had their names for over ten years will appreciate that, though.