Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Sure Signs Your Company Is Imploding
• Vacant cubicles have been converted into youth hostels, veal pens and "black box" stages for very impoverished theater troupes.
• Expense accounts now consist entirely of Val-Pak coupons and a quarter for “emergency calls.”
• Pantry vending machine only features candy brands that haven’t been seen in years, like "Negro League Chew ."
• Elevator Muzak replaced with senior-level executive repeatedly singing “MacArthur Park.”
• Health plan has been substituted for a roll of duct tape and what may either be a very large Advil or a very old communion wafer.
• In lieu of e-mail, employees are asked to fold messages into paper airplanes and “wait for a good thermal.”
• Company motto has changed from “Teamwork for a Better Tomorrow” to “And We Would All Go Down Together."