Monday, May 31, 2010
Plans for Summer 2010!
Open self to new experiences. Close season with great distrust of alligators, unlicensed physicians and ball gags.
Keep diary to record every thought. Learn upon review that you suffer from multiple personalities, each with their own credit card debt.
Promise self to drink less alcohol this summer. Then promise self to at least make less alcohol this summer. Eventually promise self to simply end each night either at home or in a nearby park.
Take vow of celibacy to avoid unhealthy relationships. Rescind vow after violating second pet cat.
Teach self a foreign language, initially a recognized tongue but inevitably something you like to call “Monkeyish.”
Commence diet consisting entirely of fruits and vegetables. Grow to hate green, red, yellow and every other color save “flank steak.”
Work on abs. Then on delts. Then on glutes. Then solely on wang.
Get in touch with spiritual side. Experience flashback to when you and Father Hanahan played “Strip Candyland.”