My 2010 New Years Resolutions

• Write the Great American Book Review on Amazon.com

• Earn a PhD. in air conditioning and refrigeration.

• Travel to a wildlife preserve operated by Six Flags.

• Have a threesome for Scrabble or Netflix.

• Learn to fly a plane simulator on the PC.

• Have a career I enjoy fantasizing about during office hours.

• Help my fellow man by actually putting something in the tip jar at Subway.

• See the pyramids for what they really are on the Discovery Channel.

• Start eating healthier junk food or at least fewer Diary Queen Blizzards.

• Get a tattoo appointment.

• Learn another language is hard to master…or even converse in above a nursery school level.

• Reorganize my priorities by deliciousness.

• See more of the U.S. through various business flight connections.

• Start exercising my options about which gym to join.

• Learn to play an instrument, like the tambourine or triangle.

• Fall in love with a television character.

• Get to know more people through “The Sims.”

• Backpack across Staten Island.

• Study art by way of museum gift shop postcards.

• Create my own small company letterhead.

• Start watching less television while driving.

• Go cliff diving, skydiving or mountain climbing out of necessity to escape an angry mob.

• Learn to appreciate opera references in old Bugs Bunny cartoons.

• Take up horse riding at a Shetland pony ranch.

• Remove the clutter in my life through delinquent payments.

• Prepare to eventually enter a marathon by carbo-loading today.

• Achieve greater spiritual enlightenment by starting less fights on the supermarket checkout line.

• Not only come to terms with my shortcomings but also embrace them as valid excuses.