Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Berenstain Bears: The Movie (No, This Is Not a Joke)

Hot on the heels of Owen Wilson being cast as the voice of the title character in the upcoming Marmaduke movie (also not a joke) comes word The Berenstain Bears will also appear in their own live action/CGI movie.

But what will this future financial juggernaut, multiple award-winning masterpiece be about? Common sense would indicate it will focus on such well-known, high-octane, gripping tomes as The Berenstain Bears Visit the Dentist, The Berenstain Bears Count Their Blessings and The Berenstain Bears Get the Gimmies.

But I strongly suggest the screenwriters look for inspiration in the upstanding ursine family's lesser-known adventures, especially those that show them throwing off the shackles of civilization and finally embracing their grizzly and grislier instincts. So with that in mind, which Berenstain book do you think would make the best transition from page to screen?

The Berenstain Bears Rub Themselves against Trees
The Berenstain Bears Wander Aimlessly for Several Days in Search of Suitable Mating Partners
The Berenstain Bears Cough Up a Moose Tendon
The Berenstain Bears Commit Infanticide
The Berenstain Bears Evacuate Their Bowels in a Nearby Parking Lot
The Berenstain Bears Sever a Deer's Coronary Artery
The Berenstain Bears Feast on Carrion
The Berenstain Bears Display Sexual Dimorphism
The Berenstain Bears Eviscerate a Couple of Campers and Their Dog
The Berenstain Bears Are Taken Out with a .44 Magnum-Level Semi-Automatic


jfruh said...

Enh, nothing bear-related could be more disturbing than Christopher Walken starring in "The Country Bears." Nothing, that is, except this.

Nathan said...

Hopefully not "The Berenstain Bears Wipe Their Asses with Charmin." I hate those commercials.

Carl said...

The Berenstain Bears Wander Aimlessly for Several Days in Search of Suitable Mating Partners

That wouldn't be aimless, would it?

Francesco Marciuliano said...

Good point, Carl.

dtyler99 said...

You forgot "The Berenstain Bears Hibernate." No matter what they do, nothing could be more interesting than this.

Ray Avito said...

I can't stop laughing about the phrase "evacuate their bowels"...and now the visual.

Owen Wilson as Marmaduke? Does not compute.