With the Presidential Election only one more day away, some of you may still be trying to make heads-or-tails of a little something called the Electoral College. Now while I in no way profess to being an American history expert, I did attend a university with a fixed address and have access to Google. So in the spirit of public edification that this site was founded on, I am proud provide you with the following short summary:
The Electoral College and You...Minus You
The Electoral College was devised by the Framers of the Constitution as America's last stand against the democracy it had fought long and hard to secure. Of course, by "democracy" our forefathers meant "mob rule" and by "mob" they, curiously enough, meant Sicilians. In an attempt to prevent the rabble from running roughshod over the government and middle America putting a Hummel figurine or Disney character in charge, the Framers decided that each state would choose electors equal to that state's number of Senate and House seats combined. The electors would then meet in their states and burn a witch. If the witch emitted a plume of white smoke, then there would be a new Pope. The Pope would then realize that most Americans view Catholicism as an outgrowth of voodoo and so quickly assume the shape of a swan to allude grievous harm. While as a swan, he would then impregnate an unsuspecting or drunk Greek woman, who in turn would give birth to the next President of the United States. Unless, of course, no witch, Pope, swan or whatever achieved a majority of the vote, in which case the tallest non-twin individual in America would become Emperor.