In the spirit of the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday (and under the advice of my therapist at the free clinic) I decided to showcase my gratitude early and share what I have to be thankful for over the past eleven months. I hope you are moved in turn to respond with your own list or just send a check made out to “Cash.”• A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, for proving what I have always said—that a perfectly acceptable holiday feast can consist of jelly beans, toast, popcorn and pretzel sticks served on a ping-pong table and catered by a dog and bird.
• Jehovah’s Witnesses, because it’s nice to have company stop by every so often.
• The eight pounds I lost on the Atkins Diet, on top of the 20 lost due to poor grocery budgeting.
• My new personal motto, “Never give up, never surrender” (replacing my old mantra, “Oh Christ, it’s morning”).
• Learning from flyer on street light that my current residence is to be replaced with Super Target, meaning greater access to low, low prices.
• Lots and lots and lots of Effexor.
4 comments:
I'll take your old mantra for you. It occurred to me that swearing at the alarm clock isn't a "mantra" per se, so yours would be better. Provided you don't need it anymore, of course.
I still think Effexor sounds like a rejected Transformers "super combiner" character.
"Stunticons, form MENASOR! Attack!"
"Happybots, form EFFEXOR! HUGZ!"
IT IS TIME FOR AN UPDATE!
THE PEOPLE DESIRE MORE AND THEIR CRIES SHALL NOT GO UNBIDDEN!
Thank you.
Effexor is my Jesus. If I was to have another child, I would name it Effexor XR. Girl or boy. I'm not kidding.
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