Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Quotes from a Recently Unemployed Wall Street Senior VP

* "Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! Our house! Our helipad!...The gryphon!"

* "Of course I don't know what I'm doing! But do you know how much it costs to have a fresco refurbished professionally?!?"

* "I'm sorry, Rubella, but we just can't afford to have you as our maid anymore...Not even on alternating weeks...What?...Yeah, well you just try and scrape up the funds for a DNA test. Until then your little boy still calls me 'Mr. Levinson.'"

* "See?! See?! It said so right on the coupon! 'Two MEDIUM pizzas with one topping, free two-liter soda, $18!' You order two LARGE pizzas and you might as well say, 'Here! Ass-rape our bank account!'"

* "That's five dollars to pet the gryphon, ten to ride it and a hundred to have 15 minutes alone with it."

* "They want more scones and apple butter?! What do all our B&B guests have, tapeworm?!"

* "I rented the main house to something called The Real World. See the girl face down in our hot tub not making any more bubbles? She's the 'fun one.'"

* "You know, I'm really getting sick and tired of everyone saying the word 'arson.'"

* "Hey, Morty. Gimme a Pick 6, two Lucky 7's, a Jersey Jackpot and whatever you got in your cash register."

• "I ate the gryphon."

5 comments:

Andrea said...

The poor, poor gryphon.

D.B. Echo said...

They just couldn't hold off until Thanksgiving, could they?

rafe said...

Aww poor Gryphon

Sara Benincasa said...

I, too, love the gryphon.

Timbo said...

Gryphon..too bad really..Anyway, when Sally starts bugging Ted about his office girl friend can Ted say,"Don't you have some glass ceilings to go break somewhere?" It's not funny or pertinent it's just been in my head since Ted met this girl.