Tuesday, July 1, 2008
The Fourth Wall Is Structurally Unsound
As promised/threatened, the Forths are about to embark down memory lane to relive the marvels and merchandizing of the U.S. Bicentennial. And in honor of such self-indulgent recollections about the Spirit of '76, I present:
Five Little-Known Facts About the Declaration of Independence
• The official Declaration was actually preceded by several local declarations of independence issued by towns, counties and states during the spring and early summer of 1776. Most notable was that of the small hamlet of Marlborough, Massachusetts which stated, in full, "We're wicked pissed."
• After the enormous success of the Declaration, Thomas Jefferson was quickly signed on to write a sequel to capitalize on the buzz. Alas, Declaration II: Philadelphia Nights proved to be a dismal commercial failure, despite Ben Franklin's glowing review that it delivered "arse-kicking good fun."
• The Second Continental Congress was initially established as a "Senior Executive Golf and Spa Retreat" for the colonies' well-heeled leaders, until public outcry for revolution and poor link conditions diverted their attention.
• John Hancock became the first signer of the Declaration only after besting the other representatives in a competition one onlooker described as "a most contentious rivalry of character strength both great and admirable"--otherwise known as bare-knuckle boxing.
• The Declaration was originally conceived to be real aloud in beat to Hadyn and Bach music samples, but the conceit was soon discarded when the rhyming structure proved too unwieldy and references to "hos" and "Cristal Champagne" far too numerous.
And, speaking of the declaring Independence, here's another Schoolhouse Rock history lesson: