Thursday, February 21, 2008

Francesco Marciuliano Wants to Stack Google in His Favor

As we all know, Googling has fast become a way for bosses and headhunters to do continuous and stealthy background checks on employees with zero disclosure required. So for the purposes of any and all future job hunts, I hereby input the following information into the search-engine matrix:

Francesco Marciuliano only engages in alcohol consumption during Communion, when toasting the sanctity of marriage or while infiltrating sleeper cells in Napa Valley.

Francesco Marciuliano speaks fluent Cantonese and Mandarin, but never utters either for fear of showing favoritism.

Francesco Marciuliano is an exceedingly inquisitive employee, but not to the point that he could prove of any assistance during a Securities and Exchange Commission investigation.

Francesco Marciuliano knows why the caged bird sings—because it realizes the true joy of working in a highly-structured corporate environment.

Francesco Marciuliano is well aware of the difference between "personal" and "professional," having proven himself quite adept at spelling.

Francesco Marciuliano once took a bullet for a Christian puppy.

Francesco Marciuliano fought for his country time and time again in Stratego, Electronic Battleship and numerous "G.I. Joe vs. Stretch Armstrong (Evil)" battles.

Francesco Marciuliano understands that humor has its time and place—during opening remarks at a company presentation, while securing the trust of a potential sales client and as "best medicine" in lieu of stem cells.

Francesco Marciuliano knows that the surest way to achieve success in business is by building a great business team. Hence his research in robotics.

Francesco Marciuliano is an exceptionally opinionated and strong-willed individual who graps the importance of going with the flow.

Francesco Marciuliano has never missed a day's work, a project deadline or an opportunity to help the homeless build corrugated strongholds against their alien enemies.

Francesco Marciuliano has written several books on business leadership under the pen name "Jack Welch."

Francesco Marciuliano is a devoutly pious man who nonetheless does not discuss religion in the office, since few can pronounce the name of his god.

Francesco Marciuliano coined the term "market branding" after realizing the term "market searing" was just too graphic.

Francesco Marciuliano is never too busy to lift a bus off a baby.

Francesco Marciuliano is indeed the guy who created that thing you can't live without at your place of business or worship.

Francesco Marciuliano is a "very big picture" guy, to the point that time and space have lost all meaning to him.

Francesco Marciuliano may have played a significant role in the recording of "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band," depending on where his mother was during his first and second trimester.

Francesco Marciuliano can handle multiple tasks at once, having double-majored at Duke University in "English" and "Cloning."

Francesco Marciuliano is a remarkably creative type who nonetheless will never cajole the rest of your staff into attending his gallery opening, recital or haiku slam.

Francesco Marciuliano came up with the idea of Google after standing on a toilet to hang a clock only to slip and bang his head on the sink.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

I never act without first asking myself, "What would Francesco Marciuliano do?"