Thursday, July 19, 2007

The Single Greatest, Unfortunate, Appalling, Mindsticking Commercial of All Times

What's truly amazing is just how accurate this commercial portrays married life in the 1970's. Back then wives would indeed spend their days embarking on desultory walks through their own (or others') backyards like wood nymphs on clonazepam, sporadically checking in on children that may or may not be theirs, while their husbands toiled away in offices straight out of an early-era Bergman film.

Moreso, the commercial provides a clear glimpse of exactly what such office life was like back in the "Me Decade." No Internet. No computers. No coworkers. No lighting. Just you and the gnawing, horrifying fear that your wife may one day be abe to pinch more than an inch.

Curiously, Tab filmed a sequel to this very commercial, consisting of a single self-inflicted gunshot and blood silently seeping from a man's head just after he learned his wife had to go and have a second cookie.

So save that faltering relationship of yours and drink Tab. After all, "keeping your shape in shape has it's rewards."


yellojkt said...

I had college roommates and co-ed classmates that wouldn't have survived without Tab.

jfruh said...


Sara Benincasa said...

Dude, please tell me that you will douse your girlfriend in gasoline and set her ablaze if she ever, EVER gets chunked out enough to "pinch an inch."

vclortho said...

Were the brain controlling Masters from "The Puppet Masters" "mindstickers" too? Did they sing sweet nothings across the parasitic psychic connection they held with their lobotomized human drones? More importantly, did Heinlein drink Tab? TOO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS!

Andy 3000 said...

Is that narrator the same guy who did the voice of HAL in 2001?

D.B. Echo said...

My mindstickers tend to be about three feet long, pointy, barbed, and narrow enough to enter the brain through the eye socket.

ksim43 said...

This is exactly how life was in the '70s. It's like a documentary.

Kim Rankin said...

"Mindsticker" sounds like something from the Cantonese-only page of the a potsticker filled with brains.

Mike said...

"Hey, little girl, comb your hair
Fix your make-up, soon he will open the door

"Don't think because there's a ring on your finger
You needn't try any more

"For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you, I'm warning you

"Day after day, there are girls at the office and the men will always be men

"Don't send him off with your hair still in curlers, you may not see him again

"For wives should always be lovers too
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you

-- Burt Bacharach and a host of media images

(But even in the Sixties, there were plenty of us who thought this was an exceptionally dorky song)